I know you don’t hear this enough, but I’m proud of you.
It can be so hard single-handedly helping to raise a child that you didn’t carry in your womb for nine months and then push out of the spatial equivalent of a peephole. It’s tough being the only person in the household whose job it is to warm the same spot on the couch from the hours of 7pm-11pm each night (plus holiday and weekend hours). It’s truly a tragedy that you’re constantly left wondering when will dinner be ready?
Let us be the first to say...we understand you.
While all the moms in world get to enjoy free grocery-shopping-house-cleaning-child-rearing time, dads rarely have time to enjoy domestic bliss, what with all the Totino’s pizza rolls that need to be warmed up and eaten over the sink at 2 in the morning.
Who but the Dads will be the ones to teach the dog to open the fridge and grab a beer?
Who but the Dads will lie on the patio for hours to ensure no one steals the furniture?
I beseech you, who but the Dads will say “Hi Tired, I’m Dad!” when the youngest child complains of fatigue?
And when it comes time for the Moms to leave the warm confines of a perfectly-made bed to feed any combination of dogs, cats, human children, fish, or birds, who but the Dads will spread out like a starfish to preserve the warmth - acting as a personal guardian, nay, a superhero, sworn to protect the cushiony softness of sheets and mattress?
Fathers rarely get enough credit for the burden of constantly needing to be prepared with Dad Jokes, should the car fall silent during a 14-hour road trip to visit Grandma in Tulsa. Do Moms even know what it’s like to have to think on their feet? No, because those feet are propped against the dash, lazily airing out as Dad’s are slaving away near the gas and his hands hover around the Cruise Control button.
Dads, you may feel unappreciated 364 days out of the year, but on Father’s Day, we’re celebrating you and your endless accomplishments, such as:
Taking out the trash once a week
Remembering to pick up Dylan from daycare that one time
Making reservations at Papa John’s after the ball game
Giving pep talks to the dog so he’ll pee outside and not on the sofa. I swear to God Karen our next one is gonna be a golden retriever. A dog under 80 pounds is a cat.
Mowing the lawn
This Father’s Day, celebrate Dad with the only product that wants to do the bare minimum as much as he does: smooth, cool, snapping sheets.