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Article

Dear PJ


“Dear PJ” is our new column where sleepers can share their recent vibrant dreams with our distinguished Clairvoyance and Finance Director, Perlita Jones or, as we affectionately call her, “PJ”. She knows – and tells – all when it comes to your weird and wild subconscious. Below, we feature some recent dreams that have been sent in from our readers, followed by PJ’s analyses.

If you’re curious about the meanings behind your most out-of-the-box dreams, write us at hello@primarygoods.com to hear PJ’s titillating insights.

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Dear PJ,

Last night, I had a nightmare where a zebra bit off my hand while I was on safari in Africa with my family. We kept going on safari afterward, and no one seemed to be worried about it, even though I barely escaped with my life. What do you think it means? My mother was there, and her and I have a strained relationship.

–Roy H. (Milwaukee, WI)

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Divine Roy,

Thank you for sharing your extremely intricate dream with us — it means so much to be inside your trusted circle.

First, dreaming of a safari in Africa means that you will enjoy extremely nourishing morsels of food that you will find by a windfall. As in, you will take a small tumble – likely due to excess winds – and find some nourishment on the ground (wrapped, but maybe partially unwrapped). Which you will – and most certainly should – then grab with your hand.

Most pleasant dreams,

PJ

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Hi PJ,

I had a dream that I was in the well-known and well-received show “Survivor”. Do you know it? It has a 7.1/10 score on IMDb. I was strategizing how to, well, survive, and I was thinking so hard about it I woke myself up in a panic. Any insight into the meaning of this?

Best,

Jamie W. (Houston, TX)

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Dearest Jamie,

What a magnificent dream! This means you will have stomach pains for the next two weeks, due to perhaps a dairy intolerance. Have you looked into switching to nut-based milks? Oat is my preference. Please write back with your results.

Most pleasant dreams,

PJ

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Hey Perlita,

This dream has been bothering me for about a week now. Do you know why I would dream about a crow flying into my house and then into my mouth, over and over again? Every time I let the crow out, it flies back in, and then down my throat.

Thanks,

Blake J. (Portland, OR)

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Iridescent Blake,

How wonderful. A crow is a symbol of improved running stamina, as well as enjoyment. This means you should go for one (1) trail run. But do not exceed 20 minutes and please, for the love of goddess, do not go under 17. Otherwise, you could suffer an aneurysm.

Most pleasant dreams,

PJ

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Dear Perlita,

I dreamt last night of sheets submerging me in what looked like an ocean, and I woke up sweating profusely. It felt like a terrible nightmare, and I couldn’t shake the feeling (or the exhaustion) this morning. What could this mean?

–Jane G. (Louisville, KY)

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Celestial Jane,

Thank you for this serious inquiry. We believe this message from the ether is telling you a few crucial things: that your sheets are not regulating your body temperature properly, and they should snap into shape. Sheet dreams typically mean good fortune, and your luck can only improve with linen sheets that can soon become a reality. Indeed, I see this set in your future. 

Happy dreaming, sleepers! 

PJ