In honor of this Presidents’ Day, we’re rounding up our all-time favorite presidents. We think the five listed below are inarguably the best individuals to have ever been associated with the office, but if you think we missed any standouts, please submit them to us. We will add any suggestions that our staff passes by vote – Scout’s honor.
A burning paragon of virtue and passion, Tracy gets things done. That’s the number one, most important presidential ability to possess (disregard the minor technicality that she didn’t actually become president). Aside from that, her marketing skills are on point, her style is all business, and anyone can feel her passion radiating from football fields away. President Flick is a perfect ball of fiery intensity who could’ve led 300 Spartans into battle – with really cute “Go Sparta” pins – no questions asked.
Atwater Elementary School PTA President
Karen is our next favorite president for a variety of reasons, not least of which is the fact that she seems to always have snacks on her person at literally any given time. We’ve seen – I mean, heard – Karen has had anything from Clif Bars at a crosswalk in the middle of the day to Cheez Itz at the very end of a zoo field trip when all were CERTAIN that the food reserves had been exhausted. These displays of sheer maternal strength and ability make Karen an obvious choice for our favorite presidents list.
…he’s Ron Swanson…
Have you heard or seen the man? All he would need to do is show his kindly face or speak in his deep, comforting voice in a crisis and all chaos would cease. The man played a dedicated (…to some things..) Parks and Recreation worker, and conservation was greatly championed by another strongly mustachioed man, President Teddy Roosevelt (he was even called “the conservation president”), so...Nick is basically a president? This is really just a suggestion at this point that he runs for office. Where do we sign?
President of the Kennel Club of Philadelphia
Mr. Ferguson, an American hero and Kennel Club titan, is one of our very favorite presidents the world has to offer. First of all, we trust all dog lovers implicitly and totally. All political candidates should have to answer whether or not they are a dog person (and should be able to provide witnesses attesting to the truth of their statement). But our honorable Wayne needs no such evidence beyond the fact that he is the president of the Kennel Club of the illustrious city of Philadelphia, known far and wide for its love of dogs and dog shows. Cheers to Mr. Ferguson and the important work he’s doing. Look at his picture. Look. At. It.
THE QUEEN’S ROYAL CORGIS
Privileged members of the Royal Family
While perhaps they can’t be considered traditionally presidential, per se, these corgis had more than what it would take to lead a democratic realm. They had an excellent track record of sabotaging the British monarchy from the inside out – peeing and pooping on the Palace’s fine rugs, for example – and what can be more American/presidential than that?