If you are in possession of a penis, it’s likely you’ve had a brush with ED – regardless of your age, race, creed, or preference of dogs versus cats. 

But if you’ve experienced ED, you also know how complex it can be. It’s not just the complete inability to achieve erection, it’s so many other things. So here, I’ve laid out 6 common types of ED, and the one medication that can take care of them all – Hello Cake’s ED Meds.

A Mastur List

1. The Non-Starter

Perhaps the most dreaded one of all, this is when, no matter how absolutely raring you are to go, an erection evades you. It’s common (ED affects 30 million men in the US alone), but ultimately frustrating if you don’t have the ED meds to deal with it. If you’re partnered, this is the time to explore other parts of the body and/or toys to make sure at least SOMEONE gets their rocks off.

2. The Halftime Tap-out

“Put me back in, coach! I’m warmed up and in my prime, and if I don’t sink a three-pointer the disappointment may just kill me,” is what your penis would say to you, if it could. Sometimes, a star player has to tap out, and it’s up to the coach to rally together a game plan and a rousing speech to get the game back on track. With Hello Cake’s ED Meds, you can spend less time on the bench and more time scoring.

3. The On-Again, Off-Again

This one has layers. It’s a melange of “Ugh, sorry” and “Let’s try again” and “Oh, I think I got it!” and a lot of “Nope. Don’t got it.” Here, it’s important to remember to have fun, stay in the moment, and figure out a quick pivot. Or, get out ahead of the problem with ED meds that last for up to 36 hours. 

4. The Hard at the Wrong Timer

ED revels in irony. And sometimes, it loves to make it feel like your penis is playing tricks on you. Driving to work on a Tuesday morning? Hard as a rock. Trying to have sex on a Friday night? Soft and flabby. If your erections never seem to come at the right time, Hello Cake ED Meds can help you get them synced back up and happening when they’re actually useful.

5. The Half Mast-er

Break into a salute – your flag is flying at half-mast. You’re maybe halfway or even ¾ of the way there, but something is holding you back, especially if you start thinking about it too much. Don’t forget that there are plenty of other ways to enjoy yourself, or grab yourself some ED meds to get that flag flyin’.

6. The Old-Fashioned (aka Whiskey Dick)

A great way to find out if you should swap out that cocktail for some water? When your penis stops working. Yes, this is a subcategory of The Non-Starter, but it’s so iconic we felt it must be included as its own entity. Unfortunately, alcohol doesn’t alway mix super well with ED meds, but who needs liquid confidence when you can get yours in dissolvable pill form?

Don’t Go it Alone

Looking for some extra help with ED issues, including ones not listed? We recommend Hello Cake. 

Their ED meds use a compound formula that combines both Sildenafil and Tadalafil (the active ingredients of Viagra and Cialis, respectively), meaning they’re strong, work fast, and last longer. Just pop one under your tongue, let it dissolve, and feel it go to work in as little as 15 minutes – we’re looking at you Halftime Tap-out!

And don’t worry, this doesn’t require any trips to the doctor’s office – you can fill out Hello Cake’s risk-free assessment online to get you prescribed right there and then. They’re then shipped discreetly to your door, and ready to be put to good use!

Bet on Orange

ED is so much more common than you think – if you haven’t experienced at least one of the above, you may be a god or a robot. If it’s time for you to face your EDemons, Hello Cake is the way to go. Plus, for a limited time, you can get their meds for 20% off with code: PRIMARY20.