Boners. Sometimes they pop up in a totally logical situation, and sometimes they happen…completely out of the blue. I did a deep dive on my hard-on history (spanning from age 12 to 35) and came up with the 9 most surprising boners I’ve ever had – you’re welcome.

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1. This bangin’ eggplant sandwich I made last week

For some reason, once my sandwich was fully built and I got ready to take a bite, I felt some unexpected blood flow in the peen region. The sandwich looked good, but it didn’t exactly look fuckable. Or did it? I considered the benefits/risk of using my creation down below rather than up top, and concluded that I was too hungry to make pickled beets on my dick worth the hassle. 

2. 8:17 AM in eighth grade math class

There was literally no reason for this one. I hate math. The teacher wasn’t hot. Lucky for me it was close to the beginning of the hour, so I was able to simmer down by the time I had to stand up and walk to Spanish. 

3. The Great Fairies from Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild

I never expected to slip a stiffy whilst whiling away the hours on my Nintendo Switch, but something about those giantesses got me all riled up. Maybe it’s the sensual moans that they make every time they open their mouths. Okay, perhaps that boner wasn’t so surprising after all…

4. Waking up from a nap on a plane

It happens on every flight, I swear! Turbulence or no, there’s something about being airborne that brings my dick to new heights. I’ll use this to join the Mile High Club one day, but for now, it’s just a mildly embarrassing occurrence… especially when I happen to be sitting directly next to the air marshall.

5. When a guy on the bus ate an orange

This isn’t the actual guy. But when I saw a random dude around my age peel and eat an entire orange as we sat on the 207 bus heading north, I popped some serious pipe. You’re not supposed to eat on the bus! That could have been it. That devil-may-care disdain for the rules apparently turned me on. 

6. Every DAMN time someone whispers in my ear

Great when my partner is trying to get me randy. Not so great when my mom is leaning over at Thanksgiving to spread some juicy family gossip. Uh, could you pass the salt, Aunt Katie? I’m just SO comfortable sitting down!

7. If I sneeze too many times in a row

Allergy season brings erections aplenty. I promise I’m not one of those guys who finds sneezing sexy. I just know to sit down in public if I feel my nose start to tickle. 

8. The first time I heard my partner laugh

Maybe it helps that they really throw their head back when they cackle. I’m a sucker for a neck… or maybe I fell in love in that moment and my penis is just an old softie. That gets hard. But regardless, I must really be gone for them, because I get a boner every time they laugh. Or at least I used to, but my dick hasn’t been getting hard as much lately. Which brings us to…

9. Hello Cake ED meds

These boners aren’t surprising in their mere existence – because hi, I’m taking the ED meds so that I get one. They’re surprising in that they LAST, and they’re easily the hardest boners that I’ve ever had. I don’t have to rely on a sensual sandwich or a pollen-heavy tree to get my dick in shape for sex, I just pop some Hello Cake and I’m ready to go in as little as 15 minutes. They combine the active ingredients of Viagra and Cialis, so you get the best of both worlds when it comes to a quick-draw hard-on that keeps going for as long as 36 hours.

The penis can be a fickle friend, randomly aroused with seemingly no rhyme or reason. But with Hello Cake’s ED meds, you can actually plan to have a boner when you need them most. 

If you want reliable boners, try Hello Cake ED meds! You can use our special code: PRIMARY20 to save 20% on your first order.